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2022 End Card and A Catch Up

I’d first like to start this off with an extremely Happy New Year to everyone reading this. I hope that with 2023, bountiful riches will come to all of us.

I did not expect to be writing my 2022 end card here, but I deemed it a bit necessary as it’s been several months since I’ve last posted here.

For 2022 I had several goals in mind and I can count on one hand how many of them ACTUALLY came off the “vision board” and how many did not. 2022 has been one of my busiest years of my life to date. First, we finally come out of a 2 year long pandemic straight into a school year where my year group has to basically run the school for the lower forms. 

I had my dreams crushed, my heart broken several times and several more times I wondered if there was any fruition to the things, I’ve spent years dreaming about. 

I had to learn that things do NOT come to fruition immediately. I had to be gentle but also push myself to limits where I thought I quite literally could not make it to Monday morning with how exhausted I was. 

I had to learn to be a team player, to do things I didn’t like for the sake of everyone else and I had to learn to listen and better myself in aspects where I wasn’t the best teammate. 

I had to stomach the feeling of imposter syndrome in rooms where I almost felt like I didn’t belong. I had to navigate harsh situations and accept even harsher truths (which I’m still processing). I’m not even sure if I’m even going to go to the university of my dreams anymore for several reasons. 

Growth DEFINITELY is not linear. There were months where some weeks I felt like I was on top of the world and months where out of the 30 days, it was barely one third where I didn’t go through the entire day without tearing up. 

I had possibly one of the rockiest academic terms of my school career and I’m still in awe I’ve managed to top all of the work we’ve done this term 

But with a year of some disappointments, I don’t think I’ve enjoyed any other year more than 2022 

I’m a house captain! Who says manifestation doesn’t work? I have an entire gallery filled with some of the best and questionable memories I’ve done for the past 52 weeks. 

I got back into listening to podcasts. I reconnected with people I’m so happy to have in my life. I’ve outgrown others. 

Am I the same person I was in 2021? God no and thank goodness for that. I’ve been happier, healthier and more active. I’ve been more in tune with myself and I’ve grown from every good and bad experience that I’ve been through.

For 2023, I planned a concise PHYSICAL vision board instead of half- assing it. I’ve set my intentions. I’ve created my affirmations and I’ve put my mind to the goals and come what may I will get to the point of a life 10-year-old me had dreamed of. 

I actually have to get back to figuring out how notion works for starters.

So so excited for 2023 and I hope no matter what. No matter what direction life steers persons in, what paths we may clear, we’re all deserving of a life we’ve dreamed and worked towards.  

In the New Year I pray everyone gets one thing checked off, one goal done or makes one step to getting it done.

-J

JUNE 2022 (PRIDE MONTH)

As some or most of us know, pride month begins from June 1st and ends along the last week of June. This monthly event is used as a commemoration of the stonewall riots. This event taking place after years of mistreatment by the police force to queer persons in New York, who eventually became tired of this misdemeanor.
An event that became the catalyst for the Gay liberation movement, created to encourage change in perception of the LGBTQ+ community. A movement created in order to fight against the mishandling of queer people and a stance to show that we do belong.

While much has been completed, there is of course, much that still has to be done. We must remember that there are many countries in the world that deem being LGBTQ+ illegal and otherwise, mistreatment is still being felt by queer persons all around the board. However, allow me to pride (pun intended) myself on what I truly appreciate about this month.

Pride is being able to celebrate who you are, a part of you that deserves to be seen, heard, understood and appreciated! It is to be a time where you treasure the different journeys people take that do not follow along hetero or allonormativity.

Pride is meant to be upheld for people the who fought for their voices to be heard. This month is to celebrate persons who were undeservedly turned away by friends, loved ones, acquaintances all due to simply being who you are! Moreover we uphold this to show to persons who are not out yet; we see you, we hear you, we appreciate you. You are loved. You are valued. You are deserving of a place to be free to be and love who you want.

Pride is an inclusive event and I feel that sometimes we lose sight of the fact that many lesbian and trans people of colour were the driving force for many of what we have today. With this rememberance, we must allow open arms to everyone.

I hope that everyone enjoys their month of commemoration and celebration. All queer persons globally. Stay safe and stay amazing

-J

“The Perfect Shot”

THE PERFECT SHOT

This one was the first short story I’ve done on a wim and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I didn’t put much thought into it and wrote what I felt based on how I thought to best portray the prompt. So I hope you enjoy it.

A photographer and a sniper are in a bar. Neither is aware of the other’s occupation. They talk about how to take the “perfect shot”

The bar is cold, as always. The shock my body experiences whenever I step into this little hub was almost euphoric I believe, if that was the word to describe it.

After all, I was not a man who came with many extravagant words, very few in fact.

The usual Friday routine went without any problems. Some sort of alternate pop rang out through the speakers, entertaining the few that would nod their heads haphazardly to the rhythm, missing it greatly. They were already drunk and it was barely 9 pm.

Another person took my seat tonight. An odd occurrence. I’ve never seen him around this time either, which piqued my interest ever so slightly. I prided myself in my memory, so I knew he could not have been a regular.

I take a seat next to him, the countertop is cold and the seat even colder; biting my ass as if I sat there naked as the day I had been born.

I settled on a rum and coke; bland but it did the job. This was my first taste of alcohol in weeks. I don’t often come to indulge in it here, the bar was rather a haven for some brief hours before I had to return to such a draining world.

He had a good stature, tall. Maybe slightly under 6 foot. His hair had barely covered his eyes and a lip ring gleamed in the hanging lights above us.

His gaze was fixed on what looked like a landscape photo. It was intriguing enough for me to wish to ask him about it, but I stopped myself before I could possibly create an embarrassing situation that I wouldn’t know how to get out of.

Almost immediately, he turned to me, a slow smile spreading on his face. I realized it suited him. It left an impression of feigned innocence. I believe I’ve dealt with someone like him before, very briefly.

“I love the area you’re looking at.” Perhaps a better way to ease into the conversation.

“Oh?” Something about his teasing voice excited me. I was tempted to indulge him.

“It looks like a really good shot. The perfect one even.”

“What do you think the perfect shot would be then?” My brows quirked,

“I think something that truly captures the life of things. Why would you not want such if you’ve set your aim almost perfectly.”

“And if you miss the shot?”

“I don’t miss.” I had just noticed his mismatched eyes; Gray and an oak brown. They seemed to blend with each other almost perfectly. I pondered on who else might think the same as I have on him.

“”Does distance matter?” I focused on his words once more, “It might be a bit of a hassle depending on what I’m trying to take.”

He swirled his drink, breaking eye contact to take a small sip, “Distance shouldn’t matter once you’re good at your job, Sir.” It almost felt like he was testing me. I mimicked his actions, set my glass down, ordered another and continued.

“That’s why we have larger lenses. To see exactly what we need to take. Then we make sure we have nothing else around.”

“Oh God no. That would be unfortunate if someone would be there to disturb the peace I’d try to capture.”

I picked at my nails, “Lastly? The perfect shot needs to be memorable. Something you can never forget.”

“Whether good or bad.”

“I don’t believe in taking poor photos.” He blinked, “But the poor shots are what sometimes make the best income don’t they. Sometimes you can’t question. You simply have to do it.”

He was right I suppose. Some of my best have been the ones I would feel awful about. Ponder days on end wondering what I could’ve done. How I could’ve avoided such mistakes.

“I never got your name.” I heard the raspiness in his voice and wondered if he smoked or vaped. 

“Andrew.”

That smile had returned and I dipped to his lips again. It did suit him; an awfully charming and disarming weapon he had indeed.

“And yours?” I suppose that’s the best way I could respond, “Adrian.”

“You seem to know a thing or two about photography don’t you?” I saw some tension in his muscle and his gleamed with mischief; as if he was telling himself a joke that he would only understand.

“I would like to think my captures are just simple and effective. Maybe not as humble as yourself however.”

Some idle chatter and I found myself giving him my phone number. Then as he got out of his seat, I caught a glimpse of something strapped to his waist.

It looked an awful lot like a firearm, I wondered if he was perhaps a service man. Army or maybe the police.

He didn’t seem to think much of my discovery. He had even held my gaze as I had looked up before he had left.

The room had felt a little bit warmer then, if that was how I could describe it.

A crash sounded and I took that as my cue to leave. The rowdy crowd was just beginning to get themselves ready for a night of sins and sob stories.

I think I’ll be continuing with these prompts actually. I hope you enjoy them just a tad. Check out my latest post below

-Jay

Changes? and Personal Realization

Recently, I had a little moment of realization with myself and found that as a result of the little slump I was in, I just kept putting off things, procrastinating with certain deadlines and fell in a deep hole of mental turmoil due to the sudden changes that occurred in my life as a result of post(?)-pandemic decisions.

My mother mentioned that I had finally found a “competitor to my natural ability” and ethic, and as a result of the fact that I had to rely on not only my smarts, but my work regime, it probably shocked me.

And though she might have said this in jest, to a certain extent, she was right. I began making constant excuses for myself (and they got worse as time went on) and furthermore started weekly pity parties and sob- fetes.

Just earlier this week, I think I had gotten tired of my own bullshit and decided in haste to delete most of my social media apps on my phone and tablet and simply focus on what was my next challenge: Exam season.

Now, it is always great to be able to know when you’re meant to take a step back for yourself if things get too overbearing (and I encourage everyone to do this. Please do not risk your physical, mental or emotional well-being) I believe for myself, I needed that uncontrolled moment because if I sat down and continued mulling and pondering what I should do or when I should start, truthfully, I wouldn’t be getting anywhere.

With that being said, I wanted to pay a bit more heed to this blog. I have it, why not use it? I’m deciding to have a small event for myself. Posting certain wips I’ve done with prompts I’ve either received or found on my own.

I encourage everyone to remain safe as usual, take care of yourself, and enjoy the rest of your day ❤

-Jay

Changes? And Personal Realization